Wednesday, February 20, 2013

On days like these...

On days like these you feel you own the world
On days like these you feel you're spot on
On days like these you feel the world is watching you

On days like these you know tonight would be mint
On days like these you know the glow won't last
On days like these you know tomorrow would be sour

On days like these you got to seize the moment
On days like these you got to stay calm
On days like these you got to greet yourself

On days like these you have to believe.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A Letter from the Heart.

Dear Ex's;

I'm very sorry. I'm really very sorry for all the pain I unintentionally caused you. I am writing you this to admit that I failed, in every relationship I was in; I failed.

I hope that you find it in yourselves to forgive me, and forget I ever existed if this will make you feel better.

I can only wish of you joy, happiness and success. I cannot ask of you to wish the same for me, but I really hope you don't pray the Lord asking Him to punish me.

Whatever I've done I've regretted, and repented for. I'm making peace with God and myself, and I'm trying as much as I can to make peace with the people around me too. I was going to send a personalised mail to each and everyone of you, but I felt that some of you, if not many, would not welcome anything from me. Also, some of you are married, others are single, and I don't want to wrongly send mixed signals out of respect to your current status, and to also eliminate doubts that there is any interest from me towards you whatsoever; after all, I'm not worthy to be with any of you.

I know some of you might never read this. I also know that this will be both appreciated and laughed at by you; at least I can go to bed every night knowing that I'm trying to do something right.

This is a public apology to every girl I've dated or been with. But most of all I'd like to send out all the sorry's in the world to both Noha and Soheir, the two girls I got engaged to. I will never stop feeling guilty towards you, especially when I go to bed every night. Forgive me.


Of Regrets and Romance.

Unmotivated and tired
Selfless display, blue
Pending cheques


Love missing
Hope searching
And writing

Memories of sea waves
Feet in yellow sand
Deranged and broken
Sociable, lonely

Dreams, nightmares
Visitors of the dark
Sex, love, marriage
Dead people

More writing
Freedom hunting
Alone at last

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Gee; Will You Ever Read This?

Woke up late with some strained muscles
Feels like a hundred bucks earned
Changed my route and directions
New branch, new people, new drinks

Gee; got introduced the day prior by phone
But it's a name just like others, who cares?
A cup of tea and a croissant
A lonely desk at the corner

Gee; I am faraway from you
Lots of candy in the drawer
Fitness changed my life
Clients complimenting her too much

Gee; where do we go from here?
Le Garage, Crazy House, BISC, Rapture
Today is our last
Tomorrow, can you not come?

Black, fat, law, CAC
Gee; what colour is your parachute?
Cancer, breakfast, Zamalek, Maadi
I am in glee, I am a unicorn, we will meet again.

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Walking Contradiction.

Lately, I am working from a different location due to the civil unrest taking place near my office. I can't complain much because I am right behind my house. It's cool, the people are cool, and to be able to see the sun brimming from the window is indescribable. For the past nine months I have been working from a sun-less office. No windows whatsoever, and I feel like a rat in a cage. I never knew how much having the sun or being able to see the people from the windows, or the grey buildings and paved streets would be of greater value to my mood, my creativity and inspiration.

Today, and the days before, I stood by that window near me and looked at the people walking in different directions, the cars going both ways, men walking with cigarettes and you can see that behind that face is a man with million problems at home, veiled women carrying bags and you know they are counting the minutes to go home and remove that head cover and rest, children - homeless and coveted by the face of life with no direction but only an intent to waste time. 

I don't know where Egypt is heading, but being able to look at people from aloft gives me mixed feelings. Most of the people are clearly in debt and can't find new sources of income, they are drained with responsibilities and crammed with never-ending lists, from their bosses, wives/husbands, children, families and financial institutions that want their money, plus the unstoppable interest. 

Two days ago, Hazem's (one of my best friends) nephew died in a random shooting that took place near the presidential palace. A kid who had a future upon him will no longer accomplish any of that due to our incompetence. Even when you decide to unfollow TV, stop reading the papers reporting crazy crimes and rape incidents, you still get hit by the saddening news and facts in this country.

I pray for my country, and the people in my country. I wish I can wake up and find peace, see little kids flying their kites, catch hope and not only feel it but taste how delicious a four letter word can give me the shelter I need.

Friday, February 01, 2013

Holding back the fool pretends.

My work asked for a recent passport photo 6*4. Given that my looks haven't changed one bit since forever, I got out of my files an old passport photo and went to Kodak so they can print me more replicas of it but with a white background, as the original pic had a black one. I don't get what difference would it make - who cares if it's white or black; certainly the world is becoming weirder by day.

While I was waiting for my copies, I checked the original's background, with no intentions, but merely wanting to see where did I have this photo taken; was it Photo House or was it Kodak. I wasn't given an answer, but I was, instead, handed a surprise. The picture had a date written on it. Nowadays new passport photos have the date digitally printed on the photo itself, but back in the day, dates were written manually with cheap blue ink.

January 26, 2003. I said wow, that's old.

But a few seconds later, I realised that at this very moment in Kodak, it was January 26, 2013.

I said WOW followed by a sigh.

Ten exact years separated the newly graduated full-of-life-guy smiling in the photo with the dead beat anxious ship-wrecked-guy standing holding the photo. Ten years of mess more than success. Ten years of fast pace more than space. Ten years bouncing on walls rather than breaking them.

Whoever knows me personally, or virtually, will definitely be aware that I'm my very own biggest critic, and yes, I might have achieved numerous things, but my pains personally and spiritually were gigantic.

Ten years from now, I will definitely look at that picture and smile and say out loud and proud, 'I did myself justice.'

I know I will do it...because I am free.
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