Sunday, July 19, 2009

The kites are still flying.

3 years!!!

Around this time last year, I wrote a list of 100 things you probably didn't know about me in celebration of my blog's 2nd anniversary. I could write another 100 things about me that again you probably didn't know, and they'll be different from the ones listed last year, but instead of diversity, I will focus on just one topic - hatred. Since I am hated by a lot of people out there, I will write 101 things that Sherif Zaki hates. This will be bold, straight to the point, with no curtains concealed, but instead illuminating and instructive.

Let's see where will this ride take me:

1- I hate how our society is divided between very rich people and very poor ones
2- I hate the way people with different backgrounds and upbringings look at me
3- I hate how I cannot bend my right leg
4- I hate the amount of money I have spent on every girl I dated
5- I hate every guy who dated a girl I used to be with, whether it was before or after me
6- I hate how the Egyptian youth is corrupt
7- I hate the fact that I didn't go to AUC
8- I hate the fact that I didn't finish my studies abroad
9- I hate the fact that I stopped my physiotherapy
10- I hate the fact that I left school a year early to join university abroad
11- I hate 30/12/1996
12- I hate the way I treated Mohamed Abou Shady in 2000
13- I hate how I dared my friend that I will kiss a certain girl and actually hid him to witness it
14- I hate deciding to sleep for a few minutes after waking up
15- I hate how I get very protective over the girl I am with to a lame extent
16- I hate the number of times I had to make out in the street
17- I hate a lot of things in my work
18- I hate the fact that I am not able to work permanently in something I love/want
19- I hate the fact that everything in this country runs through your 'connections' and if 'you know somebody or not'
20- I hate the fact that I shifted football teams from Ahly to Zamalek
21- I hate how an ex of mine only talked of ways to make money
22- I hate how another ex of mine only talked about 'her money'
23- I hate how my own friends are not the same anymore
24- I hate how work deprives you from your morals
25- I hate how an ex of mine only talked about the 2 cars her dad asked her to choose from
26- I hate how everyone expects more of me
27- I hate how I wasted 2 years of my life working in useless companies
28- I hate the fact that I dropped out of my Masters
29- I hate how I wasted years of my life without doing any form of sport
30- I hate the fact that I don't know how to change my car tyres
31- I hate how I do not finish most of the useful things I start
32- I hate how I missed out on a lot of girls because I thought I was with 'the one'
33- I hate how I lied at least once to every human being I got introduced to in my life
34- I hate the fact that I need to issue a tourist visa to visit any country
35- I hate the fact that I probably won't have kids before at least 3 or 4 years from now
36- I hate the fact than an ex of mine used to seek my help when her grandmother was ill and suddenly she didn't even call to tell me 'happy birthday' a few days later- she is the same ex who talked about the 2 cars her daddy was getting
37- I hate the fact that mirrors and pictures remind me of things I don't want to remember
38- I hate the fact that every girl I have met in my life tried to flirt with me at least once
39- I hate how I miss my childhood
40- I hate how I avoid looking at girls' bodies
41- I hate the fact that no matter how fast I used to be back in school, still there were faster kids
42- I hate the fact that I didn't date D.A. / S.O. / R.F. / Y.S. / Z.S.
43- I hate how 99% of everything in life is not long lasting in terms of satisfaction
44- I hate the fact that I need to do sit-ups to have abs
45- I hate the fact that when my phone rings, I am 99% percent correct in guessing who is the caller without even looking at the screen
46- I hate the fact that the football season ends in May
47- I hate the fact that no matter how hot lingerie is, it will be removed at the end of the day, accordingly I hate how presents get nicely wrapped but not for long till the wrapping gets torn
48- I hate the smell of cigarettes
49- I hate the laughs of 2 of my ex's - stagnetic!!
50- I hate the fact that all of my ex's became Seinfeld fans because of me, all of them!
51- I hate the fact that my 2002 Sweden National Team jersey is with the guy I considered blood whom I mentioned in my previous post, and therefore it shall only be remembered in silence
52- I hate the fact that I didn't do many things as a kid because I thought they were inappropriate, yet it was not long for me to do them gradually as the time passed
53- I hate greed
54- I hate the fact that sooner or later people will judge me on the amount of money I have and the amount of money I will make
55- I hate people with too much energy
56- I hate the fact that an ex of mine used to eat all the time and still feel hungry all the time, she just never got satisfied or full by anything -she is the same ex who talked about ways to make money
57- I hate the fact that a lot of people want to see me fall down and break to pieces
58- I hate how I never live up to my potential
59- I hate too much gossip
60- I hate the fact that young kids do nothing now but walk around with books
61- I hate people who sit some place having their coffee and reading, trying to publicly display their intelligence
62- I hate the fact that whenever something gets lost in a hotel, I assume that the house-keeping staff stole it
63- I hate how people get dressed up for a passport photo
64- I hate how the shisha guy roams near me the moment I order the bill in order for me to tip him
65- I hate how girls partner each other and go to the bathroom
66- I hate how girls love taking pictures of themselves hugging each other no matter where they are with their cheeks stamped together representing one face
67- I hate how I used to do that one liner beard coming down all the way from my hair through my sideburns to my goatee (i.e. Alex Del Piero & Craig David)
68- I hate it when I want to yawn but can't because I am in a meeting so I end up having the stupidest look on my face while yawning with my lips sealed
69- I hate people who ask so many questions about food and its ingredients
70- I hate paintball and everyone who think it is cool to practise it
71- I hate the fact that I do not enjoy house parties anymore
72- I hate any type of jeans with weird designs and especially when it is very dark and also stonewashed
73- I hate how I look whenever I come back from abroad. I always realise there's something wrong with my clothes as soon as I get off the plane and reclaim my baggage with everyone around me looking with question marks covering their faces
74- I hate it when I am not invited to a wedding that I wouldn't even go in the first place
75- I hate people who would pop up at the end of a work meeting and ask questions to show off that they're smart
76- I hate it wHen PeopLE tYPe LikE tHiS
77- I hate it when someone answers the phone saying "I am very busy, can I call you back in five?"
78- I hate the fact that all of the guys in a public bathroom would not stand and pee in the urinal next to the one I am urinating in and go to the one near the wall all alone, and if all the urinals are occupied except the one next to me, they would still hold their pee till someone else is done instead of urinating beside me
79- I hate the fact that most of them do not wash their hands afterwards
80- I hate how people assume they can tell everything about someone from their shoe or watch
81- I hate the fact that when I first started working I thought my manager was dumb because it took him 2 weeks to finish a task that I used to easily finish in 2 hours, and after 6 years of life as an employee, I discovered that I am actually dumb like him
82- I hate it when I hand my business card to someone and they look at it then give it back to me
83- I hate how people take their cell phones literally everywhere except to their bathrooms
84- I hate the cowboy hats everyone is wearing
85- I hate how everyone is walking around with Mont Blanc pens & wallets
86- I hate the people who used to study before school actually starts
87- I hate the fact that most of the people do not know the difference between its and it's
88- I hate the fact that most bad guys in movies must point their guns towards mirrors and computers and shoot the heck out of them
89- I hate the fact that all girls are not aware that most of their male friends would hook up with them if given a chance
90- I hate how girls claim that they can relate to a certain book, movie or even one of the gay John Mayer songs because they are 'girls'
91- I hate girls who talk crap about a mutual friend and end their ranting by, "I am only doing that because I care about her."
92- I hate it when ONE person (manager, professor, etc...) approaches a group of people and say "how are WE feeling today?"
93- I hate the fact that after standing in a long queue at a fast food chain, the idiot infront of me is still indecisive on what to order and starts asking silly questions
94- I hate how men give a strong handshake to other men they don't know when being introduced to one another
95- I hate paper cuts
96- I hate puzzles, sodukos and all those stupid games
97- I hate how barbers nod their head and say, "I know I know" before I even finish what I'm trying to say
98- I hate how I confuse myself thinking if I should go to an outing wearing comfortable jeans and a shirt or dress up all formal, and after going all formal I find that dude standing infront of me wearing the comfortable outfit I was going to wear looking all cool while I am stuck in a suit
99- I hate how people hide their pin numbers while they're infront of ATM machines
100- I hate people who go out and jog in the rain
101- I hate 9/9/1999

Monday, July 13, 2009

Personal Growth.

7 months --> More than 200 days --> More than half a year = No Blogging.

Is that the longest time since I have blogged or what?

I do not think the reason I didn't write was because of over enjoymnet, or over depression. Neither did I have the so called 'writers block'. I just didn't feel there is something I need to write about or share. Even though during those 7 months I had reasons, many reasons actually to write. There were moments that I wanted to let out. Moments where I felt like bursting. Maybe those 7 months actually were richer than any 7 months before, or at least in the past few years, and by richer I do not mean full of events, not necessarily, but full of a big bundle of things that made me think. And maybe all the stuff that happened equals nothing to anyone else but me.

I do not know why have I decided to open my blog and write today. At first, I had almost forgot how my blog looks like. Those colours have been out of my sight for some time now. I am glad to be back. Not because this is where I belong. As a matter of a fact, I do not belong here, I make fun of people who sit on their buttocks and gaze infront of a screen, and I also make fun of the people who write. I always believed that writing is gay. Just like poetry, it is gay. I never appreciated seeing a friend of mine writing or getting romantic while holding a pen. I never thought the day would come that I would actually create a blog. I am very judgmental I know, and I can't help it. I do not think I will ever change in terms of judging things and looking at things from only my perceptive.

I declined a lot of offers in my life because they are against my morals, beliefs and attributes. I refused to work in an alcohol company. I opposed the idea to work in a tobacco company. I turned down other minor things too just because I am not convinced about them. I turned down the chance to write a book with someone, some kind of novel. I turned down another chance to write scripts or help in them because I never got convinced about the idea. I know people who are great script writers, but I find it lame and boring, not to mention that it is easy and meaningless. I only write about my life. If I ever write a book then I will write about my life. A book of mine will be a mirror of this blog. It will have my name all over it. Other than that, thank you very much I just won't be able to do it. I write about me. I write about my thoughts. I write about the thoughts that comes out of the thoughts I just talked about. Another book for me would be a documentary on Adolf Hitler, or Eric Cantona, The Smashing Pumpkins, or El Alsson School. But why would I write a story out of my imagination? Or why would I write about my life in a script giving different names to the real characters? Why do I write a script that can be later developed into a movie while I am not the one acting? How would YOU play a role that resembles ME? And even if I played ME, I would still not be able to do it, because life is not a movie. Acting is fake. There is no truth in it. I do enjoy movies. I love movies actually. I am one of the very rare people in this world who would leave the house and go to the movies all alone. I am the same guy who could finish a movie and then jets to another theatre to watch a totally different movie, and still all alone. I do not appreciate actors though. Neither do I appreciate producers or directors. I do not think that movies could direct the society or the environment to anywhere good. Even if it is a good movie, with an authentic message, yet it still didn't cause anything good.

Why would a producer spend 10 million Egyptian Pounds on a movie? The only reason in doing so is to actually generate more profit. It is business for him. Business to bring in more money. If you do actually have 10 million to spend, then why don't you spend them on something effective, something that will benefit you and others. Why don't you give something back to the society? Why would you create a big budget movie on President Sadat, while you can do a better documentary about him with a low budget cost? Why do you have to do a movie on drugs and what happens to drug addicts, while you can do a brilliant documentary capturing real-life examples?

This week also marks 5 months since I last met someone. Someone that I once considered blood. I didn't expect I would write about that issue, but apparently I am writing. This person really tarnished all my expectations. I blame myself for being too nice to him when everyone wasn't. And I wasn't being too nice because of sympathy, no, I was being too nice because I really considered him blood. I blame myself for enjoying my time around him, when everyone else didn't. I blame myself for not listening when I should have. I blame myself for being silent and negative when I should have reacted.

Last week, an old friend rang me and talked for a bit, at the end she was asking me where do I normally hang these days, and to her surprise, nothing had changed. Why do people get surprised when others have not changed things about their lives? And the way they get surprised makes you wonder if they are happy after doing that change, and then you discover that they are living a miserable life themselves, yet they will never share that piece of information with you. Funny thing is that during the same phone call, the girl asked me about a guy who sits in the same place I hang in. The irony is that if she had asked me that question 5 months ago, I would have told her that this guy is around me day and night, but again, that guy is no longer one of us. And no he is not the same person I talked about earlier. So anywho, I just replied by saying that yes I know how he looks, but I do not know him personally. Lately I have been thinking, why is that person on my Facebook list, and I was contemplating the fact to remove him, but as always, I delay thoughts till they dry up, but that phone call really got me thinking all again, why is that person on my Facebook list? What if my friend had asked me the question in a different manner: "Hey, I just realised you know ...... on Facebook?" - what would have been my response? I am glad she didn't ask. I know I would have delivered her a convincing answer, but I am just glad we didn't get into that anyway.

So yes, I have decided to delete him. I am also deleting that guy I considered blood. I do not think it is harsh, especially when you have always been the supportive arm to him and instead, he goes and spread lies about you to his friends and family. I am going to delete both of them now, and will look around if there is anyone else who needs to be removed, but I doubt because in the past 26 years of my life I have never felt betrayed as I did 5 months ago.

I have been labeled before a lot of things. I don't know why people enjoy spreading lies about me. I was once called a homosexual. Actually not only called that, but the person who spread that out literally built a whole scenario or let's say a script about a scene that involves me and 3 guys engaging in oral sex. Now that was funny.

You really don't want to know what happened to that person after my friends & I found out.

Here in the Arab world, women and men are not treated equally. Traditionally women do not get the freedom we men get. Also women here take more care of themselves than men do, and they try to keep their reputation on a high, because a bad reputation in an Arab country really wrecks the girl, and her future. I do not get why would girls I have rarely known or met claim they made out with me? Do you actually think I will feel all hyped up and confident? That is not flattering it is pathetic in all senses. I am no Tom Cruise, I am not the hottest guy in town, not at all. Only the people close to me me are aware of my essense, but the others only know lies about me, so why would someone I don't know claim that she was in bed with me? Thinking about it again it is seriously not flattering. I know other guys would actually jump at such opportunity if it arised, but to me that is disgusting. And this takes us to another stage, and to a more pathetic part in girls; is when they tell stories about you that are not only 'not true', but the hilarious part is that they used to tell you these stories in the past involving other people (another reason to thank God for my memory). One of the stories was very funny, at least in my eyes. I dated a girl once who told me that a guy she hated got her a bunch of flowers and in order to turn him off, she shouted at him as she claimed to be 'environmental friendly' and against flowers and leaves to be cut off trees. Of course back then I laughed hysterically and thought she was smart. Some time after we broke up, I hear a story rotating that Sherif Zaki brought flowers to ....... and she shouted at him, etc...

Isn't this the funniest thing that could happen to you, ever? Hahahaha I am actually laughing now almost every minute in the day, because it is funny, and the girl managed to make me laugh again hysterically, because that story tops the actual story she told me. Brilliant stuff!!

I tend to believe now that there was no guy with flowers in the first place. Things like that make you question a whole person, a whole identity. Just one lie like that is enough to make you doubt everything that girl said.

Last week I saw a guy who is in his 2nd year at university. He was talking with me about music and matches, and suddenly he received his grade in one of the courses he was taking last semester. He was very happy. I saw him call his friends to show off with pride. I watched him call his parents to tell them that their son is the best in town. I was very happy for him. It also reminded me not of my childhood, but reminded me with the fact that as you grow up, happiness gets a different meaning. Back then I used to look forward to my grades. I used to look forward to my summer vacation. I used to look forward to many things that are no longer around me. Yes I miss those days. That doesn't mean I will find happiness if I do the same things again in my age now. Would I get the satisfaction level up again if I enroll in a Master's program? I do not think so, because it is not about doing the same things. It is about identifying where your happiness lies and grasping it with both your fists. Would I get the satisfaction if I spend 10 hours playing console games with friends? I am sure it will be fun, but it won't get me anywhere I want.

I am going through some of the hardest days in my life. Days that I didn't see come. Days I didn't plan for. Days I haven't thought of alternatives or ways to overcome them. They say that something good must come after a lot of bad, and I await passionately and anxiously and also willingly with a smile to see what is next.

I am excited about what is next.

I know what is happiness.

I know where is happiness.

I have found happiness.

Have you?
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