Egypt, oh Egypt!

Hello blog!

If I say I missed being here, I will be repeating myself. If I say I miss blogging, I will be repeating myself. It's the truth though, I've missed you. I wish I could blog more. I wish I could document my thoughts more, I wish I could write and write and write!

There are too many things happening in the world, happening in my world and it seems like no one has the time to pause and reflect. Or maybe no one wants to? People now watch Netflix to relax and unwind...every single time! We've become too addicted to screens, too isolated in our own shells, books are not being read, even on Kindle, which I love - but even me, I hardly read anything in the past two years. Maybe the odd book here and there, but long gone the days when I used to read for fun or carry the book/kindle around. 

At work, I see people around me on their phones, on Whatsapp, or Instagram, or Facebook, not so much on Twitter though...Oh yes, and how did I forget LinkedIn? When I stopped using social media in 2016, and by social media I mean Facebook and Instagram, I started to be more on LinkedIn. I realised I spent too much time just scrolling down and reading posts of people that I don't really care about, but it became a trend. But how is this any better than Instagram or Facebook? At least when I used the latter two, I used to engage with people I know, people I care about?! It's like a never-ending loop. I also started using LinkedIn more than before during the past year after I was made redundant. It's almost one year since I was told I am being let go by a company that I loved and an industry I cherished. 19th November, at around 3:15pm (Dubai time), I was called by my HR Business Partner to go to her room. On my way to her office, I was sending voice notes to my wife and family on Whatsapp telling them that it's finally happening. I was waiting for it...not that I wanted it, but I knew it was coming. Five months prior, the team started to shrink. My boss, the one who hired me, left the company, while others were being let go every single week. I was told that my position is safe, and I believed those people. Maybe I wanted to convince myself that I am safe. Maybe I am naive - I don't know, but that was the end to it. I felt betrayed, to be honest, I didn't create drama, not at all, but I was so angry. I was angry by the way I was told and angry that the person who told me was someone who joined the company two weeks prior and wasn't even my line manager. I felt like I was worthless. Kept reminding myself that it's the corporate world - and we all know how the corporate world can be cruel, but I was sad, deep inside of me, sad. The thing is, when you're made redundant it is never a sign of you failing, however, failure, is the only thing that comes to your mind when you sit alone and wonder, 'why me?'. 

It took me a while to find my feet again. I was looking for jobs the next day, even though I was on garden leave for 3 months, but I had to keep going. I had to prove to myself that I am not a failure. What drove me, was more negative feelings than positive ones. I wanted to prove that I am not a failure, to them before myself. I wanted to stay in the same industry because I loved it, and more now, because I wanted to prove to them that I will join a better place than yours. Luck came just a month after when I realised that Netflix, the biggest entertainer in the world, and what the comapny I used to work for would aspire to be, came calling. I went through sleepless nights - excitement and fear, I tried to research every single thing about the company, the culture, etc. Joining Netflix and moving to Amsterdam (the MEA offices operated from there) is equal to winning the lottery. I wanted the job so bad, but the 'revenge' or in other words the feelings of 'vengeance' I had were too much. I wanted to join Netflix not because it's Netflix, but because I wanted to prove to my former employer that they made a huge mistake, or let's say a crime, by letting me go. I was obsessed. I remember my hands shaking and my heart trembling during my first interview, thankfully it was over the phone and not in person, or else I would have been eliminated 'Squid Game' style - pun intended! I was over the moon when I got an email that I have been shortlisted for the second round, and this time, it was going to be a virtual call with the hiring manager. I was ecstatic! I prepared so much. I only had 30 minutes to impress. I talked so much. I thought I aced it. Four days later, 19th February, at around 7am (Cairo time), three months after being told by my previous employer to leave and go on garden leave (which was supposed to end on 19th February too!), I got an email from Netflix telling me that they won't be proceeding with me. I was so scared to open the email. I gave the phone to my wife to read it and just by looking at her face, I could tell that it was negative. Everything was doom and gloom. I think this email was more painful to read than getting fired three months before, and the reason is I had put so much energy and belief that I am going to join Netflix and because I wanted to prove my worth to my previous employer. It was a disaster. 

One thing about me is that every day is a new day. I wake up and go again. I turn the page, even if it hurts. I always go again. But I am human. I never intend to hurt anyone, physically or emotionally. But I am human. I was hurt and I wanted revenge. I just wanted to prove something. Life went on (goes on) and I found a great job, relocated back to Egypt, and joined another great job, with great people who appreciate me. Being around family and friends. Back to the country I love the most, I can't ask for more. But, the 19th of November 2020 and the 19th of February 2021 are days that scarred me and I do hope that one day I will be over them, because I clearly haven't.