Brothers in Arms.

Aboushady,

I am sorry. It is not enough, I know, I wish I could have done more. I am really sorry. 

You are always in my thoughts, in my prayers, in silence I think of you and with every moment of laughter and sadness, too. I wish I could go back in time and fix things, or at least try to be the true friend I should have been...if I die today, not being there for you will always be number one on the list of things I wish I could have done. I wish I didn't hurt you or tease you in that silly childish way, back in the day. I wish I didn't lie to save face and blame you. I wish I didn't drive you away. 

I know that each and every one of our 'gang' in highschool would have wished we did things differently, but, I, do take full responsibility. Not trying to be the hero here, but I know I could have stopped this. I failed to protect you and protect our friendship. 

Our friendship still exists, but it is not real as it once was, or as it should have been. I check on you all the time through your sister, and I wish I could do more, but even when I am in Egypt I don't do the effort to come and see you...whenever I pass by Zamalek, your name and everything about you echoes my brain and my thoughts. I see you whenever I come across Lenny Kravitz and Jamiroquai, whenever I visit Saudi Arabia, whenever I go to Alexandria, and whenever I see the sea. 

You have always been the kindest, the most adventurous, the most courageous, the fastest kid in class - the one who could use a screwdriver and fix things, the best painter, the one who organised the best house parties and the best dancer in the crowd! You knew how to cook before any of us knew how to boil eggs - I still can't, by the way. You could play any sport, it was always so easy for you. You were more human than any of us, and we didn't give you enough respect for that. I keep thinking of everything you had to go through, and, oh my God, you are a survivor. You have seen things and lived through stuff before the age of 14 that some of us approaching 40 didn't have to go through.  

I stopped wishing to go back in time but if I was ever given the chance to do and change one thing, then it would definitely be to fix the relationship we had. The true real friendship that saw you and me, inseparable, literally. 

I am sorry I failed you. I am sorry we all failed you. I love you, my friend, my brother. Always did, and always will.